Burning Hunger, Cigarettes.

Recently been smoking cigarettes when feeling hungry for food.

Imagining that hunger is burnt that way, turned into smoke, gone as it disperses in air.

Seems to work, for now at least.

also used this trick.

Memory.

there are three memory types:

sensoric memory - what we perceive, see, arrives there,

short-term memory - lasts up to half of a minute or as long as attention is focused on that memory part,

long-term memory - when someone wishes to remember something, it's important to wish for that. then to repeat many times words to remember, etc ... that's how 'memory trace' is formed & put into long-term memory. it's important to make breaks between attempts at remembering something, forming a trace, a key to memory. giving material to remember a structure makes it easier to understand ... it's also about trying to understand & understanding.

(to be continued, perhaps).

Source: [6].

Light ... Oxygene ...

i do not like when people at hospital or elsewhere close windows in non-catholic parts of the place,
there's blue part & brown part,

...

i do not like when people experiment or play with a lightswitch in my presence.

...

annoyances as these cause insanity.
these are common at place called psychiatric hospital.

'Bastions of Normality', 'Psychological Hooks' ...

what or who is 'Bastion of Normality' ?

(psychological hook is psychological lockpick or trick perhaps? a way to avoid therapy using cheap method that work enough to not cause damage to friends or society?)

(to be elaborated, perhaps) ...

Took Money again ...

... took money from dad again ... 300 PLN as usual, not sure how often ...

... this time my married brother Adam was there, with his wife, Monika, interfering annoyance ...

... he asked why i take money from dad? ...

... couldn't stop yelling at him ...

... he threatened me with Medic Car, probably with Psychiatry as well ...

What is insane, again ?

insanity detected,

in mind,

perhaps in form of 'hacking opposition' as well ...

are they insane to attack people who are trying at least to be beneficial?

Transient Psychotic Mantis?

what is Psychology, what is not ...

... is killing people 'sane' ?

see also, if You must ... : Emptiness, Transience., 'Psyche Riding?'.

'Peasantry' & 'Protection', ...

insanity in mind again ...

idea that i should eat for being protected by someone ...

is it form of rape?

rape against 'us'?

'us' at least in a way?

is it insane to think that i prefer to die instead?

i do not want to work for food only, i need money, respect, etc ... freedom as well, including freedom to fight for Enlightened Love, Magical Preferably ...

Feeding like a Priest ...

sometimes i have experiences of being 'fed forcefully against my will to calm down ... ' ...

i feel like being berated by 'a Priest' with more or less 'Godly' mind state.

even if that 'a Priest' is husband of 'a Friend'.

i don't know how delusional this is, clearly insanity still ... in this form or another ...

Uncaring Society, Hypocrisy, Loneliness, Cars, etc ...

there were no 'greek pancakes' at 'cold hell snacks shop' ...

then no 'meat pancakes',

had to buy 'kebab pancake', even if seller wanted me to buy two of these.

baby cars of other people & street cars of other people haunt me still ...

i keep shouting / yelling at these whores with babies in baby cars on street(s), calling them names ...

probably because of loneliness, uncaring society, whores & stealers them all ...

Psychology in my opinion ...

i think it's the 'Psychological Hell' to question sanity of therapist that someone is ...

... as well as of others, probably perhaps ...

to questions one's delusions, sanity, professionally, as part of lifestyle & the Way perhaps even ...

i think many wish to prove that Psychologists are insane, more or less immaturely ...

but who would solve their problems if not these Professionals?

by my experience, psychologists are not giving You 'nice experience', but perhaps this helps truly instead of 'sweet lies'.

Mental Hospital as Prison?

do sick people have right for Love?

if not, what's the reason for life?

perhaps suicide is better option, anyway ...

see also, if You wish or need, etc ... : http://producingbuddhism.blogspot.com/2015/05/issues.html .

'Clicky Samsara', part second ...

feeling like automaton used for click,

but if that's the way for Enlightened Love, i accept ...

hope they won't kill or enslave me after i help though ...

i am 37 years old & still alone ...

perhaps suicide is best option though ?

'Ego Attack'?

insights or delusions suggest that i suffer from 'ego attack' from 'Professional Competition' in 'Computing' area mostly,

from 'Stupa House', 'sangowe.info', perhaps more ...

i don't know if it's 'truth' or just 'a manipulation',

that 'Someone's Boyfriend' has complexes when i do something 'Powerful', as 'Martial Arts' or 'Advanced Science', etc ...

i don't mind losing 'Privileges of the Science', helping other way(s),

i just need Enlightened Love & Enlightenment.

... but why i had to learn & work for so long for others anyway?

Sentimentalism, Pitfalls of ...

Distress Signal ...

'Clicky Samsara' went too far...

insanity encroaches many a being, more or less related to this person that writes this post, endangering possibly others as well, perhaps ...

---

Beliefs, Stupidity, Ignorance, Morality.

felt rushed to eat sushi again, almost choked many times.

felt as if 'many people wanted to steal nutrients from my food by participating in eating with me - at least in mind, use of people's belief & speech to make me go eat more soon'.

loss of style as well, as i could not clean teeth ('bathing teeth' thought appeared again), i was hurried to write this on facebook & elsewhere. perhaps if i waited however, i would either lose memory & fail to write or lose too much of toothpaste then eat again... etc.

what's the difference between nutrients & calories?

people believe in what they want, afterall.

people do what they believe in, using tools perhaps, not only technologically advanced or inhuman.

Perceptions, Truth, Delusions.

occasionally (rarely) i do have visions, not only insights.

insights are common, often seem true.

visions are perhaps true, perhaps not.

if they are delusional, false, i'd call them: 'hallucinations', 'visual delusions', 'visual omams', etc.

these are words used in psychology, perhaps in psychiatry as well.

in truth i do not know if what i perceive, either in form of insights, voices, thoughts, visions, hallucinations, etc ... or even touch experiences or other ... is true, what is false.

what's truth?

what's delusion, insanity?

i think that Wisdom & Compassion lead to Awakening, to Truth, to Enlightened Love, to Enlightenment.

See also, if You wish: Perceptions, Truth, Delusions on Producing Buddhism, Perceptions, Truth, Delusions on Parapsychology, Magick, Spiritual & Related.

Jung, famous Psychologist called himself 'Empiric', i read.

Pressure.

feeling pressure on left ear's nervous system.

perhaps imagined perhaps not.

still pain is significiant.

Choking with Food.

occasionally i feel forced to eat, to the point of almost choking with food.

i don't want nor like to eat so much at all.

i don't want to leave prematurely nor rape woman i Love.

occasionally though the insanity & emotions are too strong however & i feel so desperate & cheated so i wish for my death to end this lie & slavery that i go through.

then i have suicide attempts or something like that.

etc.

perhaps someone forces me for desperation in a way or another to enforce cerain changes by my desperate attempts.

or cuts costs that way.

i do not know details or if it's true at all.

Cage without Bars.

i think that i have too many automatic uninterruptable reactions leading to eating, losing style or suicide.

spending money as well.

more or less subconscious.

shouts, screams & insane mind states as well.

i hope someone won't turn me into 'zombie-monk' or 'pair differently' with someone i don't Love, denying me speech as well.

or make me live alone for too long against my will.




'Total Hypnosis' by Urszula,
'Cage without bars'.

More about Insanity.

- What is Insanity?
- There are many different insane mind states. Basicly anything mental that hinders someone succeeding in life is more or less insane - loss of control over one's actions in many cases, spasms, shouts, etc. Loss of focus & concentration, delusions, lack of criciticism & distance toward one's more or less delusionary mindset. Memory loss, aggression & perception problems as well. There can be clear thinking (it's not insane to think clearly, lucidly) combined with other symptoms, as shouts or depressing moods, excess fear or mania for example. In my opinion egoism is as well insanity.

Stress.

Stress & it's negative role is often a mention.

'i have so many stressful situations in life', 'i am sick because of this work & stress' - we hear these phrases quite often, it is an important subject.

is it ideal situation to reduce stressful situations to zero?

can stress be avoided?

too little of sensations is still a boredom, rather sad state of discomfort.

there are three currents in stress's psychological understanding:

1. as a stimulant, situation or external happening with certain properties. there are stressors, happenings that cause stress.

2. internal human reactions, especially emotional. our reactions to happenings are important.

3. relation between external factors, of human qualities & of the intermediary factor - of how we see the situation.

(to be continued perhaps).

Source: [6].

Ego dissolves, what's after?

i experienced that after ego dissolution,

less than complete i think,

self develops,

ego being transformed & absorbed by self.

boundaries between living beings shift as one forgets of oneself... and accepts also others' versions.

then ego can gain in strength & be transformed/absorbed again to include more living beings.

a cycle of ego-self evolution, i'd call.