Took Money again ...

... took money from dad again ... 300 PLN as usual, not sure how often ...

... this time my married brother Adam was there, with his wife, Monika, interfering annoyance ...

... he asked why i take money from dad? ...

... couldn't stop yelling at him ...

... he threatened me with Medic Car, probably with Psychiatry as well ...

'Ego Attack'?

insights or delusions suggest that i suffer from 'ego attack' from 'Professional Competition' in 'Computing' area mostly,

from 'Stupa House', 'sangowe.info', perhaps more ...

i don't know if it's 'truth' or just 'a manipulation',

that 'Someone's Boyfriend' has complexes when i do something 'Powerful', as 'Martial Arts' or 'Advanced Science', etc ...

i don't mind losing 'Privileges of the Science', helping other way(s),

i just need Enlightened Love & Enlightenment.

... but why i had to learn & work for so long for others anyway?

Ego dissolves, what's after?

i experienced that after ego dissolution,

less than complete i think,

self develops,

ego being transformed & absorbed by self.

boundaries between living beings shift as one forgets of oneself... and accepts also others' versions.

then ego can gain in strength & be transformed/absorbed again to include more living beings.

a cycle of ego-self evolution, i'd call.

Ego Complex Evolving.

i read that ego is 'i'.

i read that complex is structure in psyche.

i know that ego evolves, not always for better.

i think that beings, things & phenomena i perceive affect me and affect how ego changes.

for now, my 'i' seems to be more than one structure, thoughts seem to clash against other thoughts.

like waves in ocean crashing at each other, but not always as pretty looking or soothing.

i observed 'Mahakala', Protector of Enlightened Love & Enlightenment arising - important structure in psyche.

i do not know if Enlightenment needs external protectors at all.

i observed other 'waves' arising as well, often opposing that 'Mahakala' thoughts & structure.

archetypes & ideas seem like waves, arising in reaction to what happens around me.

sometimes it's quite unpleasant purifying experience (katharsis?), so i have to hide at home to not scare people with my epileptic body reactions & harmful speech articulation that i have little control over.

when archetypes & ideas arise, they affect how i think, talk, (re)act.

Self and Ego.

'Self' is 'we'.

'Ego' is 'i'.

But where is the end of 'i' and start of 'we', even if everything is interconnected somehow?

Altruistic Ego.

Altruistic ego (structure in psyche) is better than childish, insane, demanding one. I call it ego with altruistic base.

But how one can survive without anything?

Perhaps they can, but it's often more efficient from some viewpoint to use material goods and strong ideas.

Yes, i am little selfish, but then even in Tonglen Meditations (i practiced one described in 'Buddha & Love', polish translation, and in 'The Way Things Are', polish translation), it's about giving and taking. I wish to be better Buddhist, so if you can please correct me (if you know what you are doing).

I think it's important to consider with whom one wishes to practice Meditations. I practiced them in Warsaw Buddhist Center, Stupa House.

Persona and Ego.

Term 'persona' is derived from latin word meaning mask, role, character.

In Jung's psychology persona is complex (structure) that drives how people act, similar to ego complex.

Persona is someone's public mask, and mediates between ego and external world.

Basic Persona's definition, by Jung is 'functional complex', that serves adaptation to external item (object, thing).

Logical conclusion would be that persona is relative, and that there might be many personas with regard to different external things.

Additional definitions include 'external character', and 'habitual external posture' (internal posture is represented by soul, ego's relation with own soul is self expression according to 'myself' as subject).

Ego and Will.

Ego is complex (structure) in psyche (psyche is greek word for mind-soul).

In Jung's theory ego is gradually created, from beginning of life, central consciousness (awareness?) complex, "me", around which there's more or less large consciousness (awareness?) field.

Ego, subject of consciousness (awareness?) Is created as complex measurement, consisting of inherited predispositions, and of unconsciously gained impressions.

Ego organizes and regulates how consciousness (awareness?) works, gives sense of inner integrity and separation, more or less.

Speaking of ego empirically, we have on mind different measures and aspects of consciousness (awareness?), more or less individual, structure and basic functions.

Will, defined by Jung is result of all energetic processes of consciousess (awareness?).

The higher level of ego's development, the more energy, willpower it can use. To be clear: larger ego is often less developed, integrity and reduction are in my opinion to make ego better.