Choking with Food.

occasionally i feel forced to eat, to the point of almost choking with food.

i don't want nor like to eat so much at all.

i don't want to leave prematurely nor rape woman i Love.

occasionally though the insanity & emotions are too strong however & i feel so desperate & cheated so i wish for my death to end this lie & slavery that i go through.

then i have suicide attempts or something like that.

etc.

perhaps someone forces me for desperation in a way or another to enforce cerain changes by my desperate attempts.

or cuts costs that way.

i do not know details or if it's true at all.