Bulimia Nervosa.

Bulimia Nervosa is characterized by recurrent and frequent episodes of binge eating—i.e., unusually large amounts of food consumed in a short time—and a feeling that one lacks control over eating. A bulimic can consume as much as 3,400 calories in little more than an hour, and as much as 20,000 calories in eight hours.

People with bulimia often know they have a problem and are afraid of their inability to stop eating. Binging is then followed by purging—namely, self-induced vomiting or the abuse of diuretics or laxatives. Binging and purging are often performed in secret, with feelings of shame alternating with relief.

Symptoms' causes.

i think in my case it's noise - including shouts, children's noises, or football's, and stress - including stress caused by eating too much.

also failing at hygiene or shaving.

but also the internet & computer games - especially online game named 'Narfell' - if done too much.


recently heard about omams, cause of visual or other hallucinations is malfunction of nervous system or brain.

certain nerves & synapses activate because of something else than intended, because of internal mind states for example, instead or not only because of hearing a real voice or seeing a real image.

Can Martial Arts be Therapeutic?

i think yes.

Doctor with who i talked with a while ago said that i should train.

Madness & Insanity.

- what are the differencies between the Madness & Insanity?
- in my opinion Madness is Holy, state of Mind where psychological or social untruths are overcome, when Love & Happiness can be Experienced. There's no Love without Madness, they say.... insanity on the other hand, is an illness, psychological & physical symptoms, often violent. at this point of my life, i know i have these two mixed, but trying to improve.

- how insanity can be transformed to madness?
- i am experimenting, but think that pills (medicines), psychological therapy, helping others & religious practices such as Drukpa Kunley's Way can help. we'll see.

- what are the benefits of being in relationship with a Madman (as opposed to Insane)?
- he doesn't have too many expectations, lesser ego, so likely won't abuse partner that way - it's gentler relationship; he is used to being mistreated, he has no dignity anyway, so as well can do strange things or say strange things for loved one & children when it's neccessary. if neccessary to defend loved one or children there are less barriers such as pride or social restraints to overcome.

Ego Complex Evolving.

i read that ego is 'i'.

i read that complex is structure in psyche.

i know that ego evolves, not always for better.

i think that beings, things & phenomena i perceive affect me and affect how ego changes.

for now, my 'i' seems to be more than one structure, thoughts seem to clash against other thoughts.

like waves in ocean crashing at each other, but not always as pretty looking or soothing.

i observed 'Mahakala', Protector of Enlightened Love & Enlightenment arising - important structure in psyche.

i do not know if Enlightenment needs external protectors at all.

i observed other 'waves' arising as well, often opposing that 'Mahakala' thoughts & structure.

archetypes & ideas seem like waves, arising in reaction to what happens around me.

sometimes it's quite unpleasant purifying experience (katharsis?), so i have to hide at home to not scare people with my epileptic body reactions & harmful speech articulation that i have little control over.

when archetypes & ideas arise, they affect how i think, talk, (re)act.

Development of Self.

From what i read:

1. Separation of ego from Self during childhood.

1.1. Primordial Self.

At first there's Self without ego, original Self.

1.2. Seeds of Ego.

Young children have ego & self, unconsciousness but no consciousness. All of them connected, ego being partly in Self, both ego & Self unconscious.


From what i read, experienced & can remember:

1.3. Separation & development.

Older children have unconsciousnes, consciousness, self & ego. Self is contained within unconsciousness. Ego is conscious part of kids psyche. They barely 'touch' each other.


2. Building ego-Self axis.

2.1. Domination of individual consciousness, unconsciousness of self.

At this point, i had unconsciousness, consciousness, self & ego. Self was buried deep within unconsciousness, nevertheless still affected behaviour.

Ego was independent but not free - affected by thoughts, feelings & impulses, conscious & dominant, unaware of Self's influence.

2.2. ego-Self axis.

At this point i am now.

Self is either unconscious or conscious, not sure to what degree where... probably partly in unconsciousness, partly in consciousness. Ego is still present.

Thoughts, feelings, 'inner voices', 'visual hallucinations of artistic or artful quality' surface from unconsciousness to consciousness via Self then affect ego, making ego change with time.


Source: [2], my Experiences.


See also: Self, Impersistent Ego, Unconscious, Conscious.

NLP.

NLP = Neuro-linguistic programming.

'a study of Perfection & model of how people organize their Experience'.

See also: my current opinion, more or less, and Wikipedia entry.

Do Computer Games Lead to Suicides?

- Do Computer Games such as World of Warcraft lead to suicide or 'accidental death'?
- i do not know if WoW did this as well, but i read about people being dead because of Computer Games.

- How?
- see: Psychological Use of Artful Symbols. Artful Symbols such as Images, Words, Multimedia Content, Magic Items & Weapons in Games. These Symbols hook players emotionally, addict, affect psyche too much, making players think and act worse in real life, being 'caught' in a Game's World for longer than it's sane.

Impersistent Ego & Art.

i think that if someone's ego is weak, impersistent, then Art can support...

... staying sane & perhaps alive.

Illusory Fate.

i think that idea of Fate is Illusory.

Illusory Fatum is still effective, for an Illusion can Mesmerize & Manipulate, but can be defeated with countermanipulation methods that lead to Liberation.

i think that Mesmer is an 'Enchanting Illusion', or perception affections of internal or external (physical) nature that perhaps affect thoughts & feelings as well.

see also: Psychological Use of Artful Symbols.

Self, Impersistent Ego, Unconscious, Conscious.

During Individuation process, (which is lasting whole life, at least from a certain point in life - i think):

Self, Psyche's Center, joins Unconscious (Archetypes) with Conscious (Impersistent Ego).

Persona (Outer Mask: what others see when they 'look') is built around Ego, which is not persistent - thus, a Makeup, or Persona (i don't know the subtle differencies between a Makeup and Persona), can be changed.

Self is Symbol of Psyche's Final Integration, Symbol of Wholeness, Fullness.

Source: [2], my Experiences.

Conclusion: Beings can Change with time... from my experience: from a certain point in life, ego constantly changes... parts of new ego surface from Unconscious Depths (Unonscious Archetypes, perhaps more) during the Individuation process.

Basics of Atlantean, Egyptian, Astral Social Engineering.

as not too far as i understood...

in past there were Angels, Blue and Red.

many of such were sent to a Prison Colony, Atlantis.

they could go there, but not return, for it was a Prison.

Atlanteans considered themselves wisest beings in the World.

aging was an issue, they lived long but had problems with dying... not accepting changes, seduced by idea of death, etc perhaps...

Asteroid hit caused Atlantis to go Underwater, waves crashing at it, perhaps other catastrophes.


Astral Atlantis is still Present.


----

also other clues:

Atlantis was Technologically Advanced,

Mind is like Ocean, Waves are related to Brainwaves.

Astral is world of Emotions & Imagination.

Egypt is known for Pyramids, built by Slaves, and for Spirituality.

Death is symbol of Change.

Mage is symbol of Change.

Dragon is Symbol of Fear.

Shadow is Inner Dragon.

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see also:

- Dragons of Atlantis Computer Game,
- A Prison, a tale from the Neverwinter Nights 1 Dungeons & Dragons Computer Game,
- 'Memory Leaks',
- Digital Narcotic,
- 'Magical Aspects, Virtuality, etc ...'.

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i think this Social Engineering provides methods for Enslavement & Liberation, a Psycho-Technology for that... perhaps more...

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- click to see larger image, if You wish. -

(perhaps more later, perhaps updates).

Individuation Archetypes (Jungian).

Individuation.

The principle of individuation, or principium individuationis, describes the manner in which a thing is identified as distinguished from other things.


Individuation Archetypes.

Traveller, Warrior, Mage - independent attitude archetypes.


Mage Archetype.

Believes or just Understands 'Secret Reality' as much as 'Mundane Reality'. Believes or experiences Magic & Hidden Forces & Energies. Joins opposites in himself & in surroundings, perhaps nothing is clearly black or white, or unchangeable (for example: death).

Mage is a Symbol of Change.


Warrior Archetype.

Typical hero challenging difficulties & fate, combats mostly Dragon (Symbol of Fear), often seeks challenges & difficult situations. Does not show mercy, hates his or her weaknesses, gains skills & knowledge, trains, does not accept defeat.

Mature warrior knows his own strengths & weaknesses, and of his form (style), ever perfects himself, protects the weak, enjoys giving lessons.


Traveller Archetype.

Independent individual.


More.

There are more of individuation archetypes, but in my-self, the above three are most dominant.


Source: the Internet, [2], my own Experience.

No Energy, Eating, Symptom.

i think i eat too much.

i lack energy though, despite eating so much.

as if someone drained my energy, that i've gained from food, somehow.

today, as in past, i lacked strength to stand up and do anything, including eating.

this led me to almost suicide, desperation, despair, insanity, in past.

meditation helped but not for long, and i've ended down in psychiatric hospital.

during that 'lonely despair' 5-year period i wasn't able to do anything else than playing computer games (Mostly: 'Neverwinter Nights 1 / Narfell' & 'Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri / Alien Crossfire'), sleeping and eating in excess.

this occured after reading 'The Three Pillars of Zen' by Philip Kapleau Roshi, not sure if this was true cause of that ordeal or not.

Are your men on right pills, 'Doctor'?

i know that mentally ill people take pills, that alter Mind's state, for example: by reducing Psychotic Symptoms (PL: 'Objawy Psychotyczne').

it's important that pills are taken properly, regularly, in proper doses, at right hours, right pills.

otherwise, illness returns, person behaves strangely.

sometimes doctors change pills, drugs or medicines in other forms, including injections - after body adjusts, or something changes, or diagnosis was improper.

sometimes ilness symptoms such as nuisant thoughts, or forgetfulness prevent ill person from taking a medicine properly... it often ends up in a hospital, i heard.

is Therapy Therapeutic?

i don't care.

if it helps i'll use it... if it's not, i'll skip.

i don't go to psychologist to convert to Christianity. Buddhism is not a sickness.

What is Symbol, again?

Symbols represent Ideas.

They can be invoked to appear in someone's mind by saying them, showing or letting perceive.

Invoking a Symbol is a form of manipulation, sometimes beneficial, often not. This changes mind's state.

They can be used to invoke archetype, communicating someone to behave as a certain archetype.

For example: 'Can you behave like a father, please?', 'can you be a hacker now?' etc..

Jungian Archetypes.

Jungian Complexes organize individual subconsciousness.

Jungian Archetypes organize collective subconsciousness.

Archetypes are primordial images of basic psychological meanings and cultural values.

Archetype is inherited from generation to generation - behavioral pattern, thinking pattern, feel pattern.

It is an idea carrying considerable emotional value.

Archetype differs from symbol, that symbol represents archetype - cultural images, experiences and such of many. Symbol might be one word, but sum of people's understanding and feelings is something different - an archetype... various people might understand an archetype slightly differently, when someone uses symbol to call it in a group.

See also, if You wish: Symbols, What is Symbol, again?


----

Archetypes are also praimages of basic psychological meanings & cultural values (gr. arche - primal, typos - image). Jung called them 'dominants of collective unconsciousness', 'collective dominants', representing 'generic ideas'...

Archetypes manifest in individual's psyche, organizing wholeness of her or his symbolic life - both aware (pl. świadomego) & unaware (pl. nieświadomego) - ideas, dogmas, mythology, creative fantasy, beliefs, ideology, thinking patterns, etc.

Source: [2].

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i think that archetypes also represent social roles, given to an individual by the society.

there are archetypes in roleplaying games, sometimes called differently (for example: character templates, character classes).


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(To do: need to think more about relations between Archetypes and Symbols, Archetypal Symbols).

Addressing Doctor.

You can choose one of two different attitudes:

1. You can say: 'it's me, i am aggressive and i have symptoms' in some form or other.

or

2. You can knock, wait for invitation, and say message like this: 'Good day, i need help, would You Mrs Doctor give me a visit? I have (...) symptoms. Thanks in advance'.

latter option lets you behave somewhat curtly, keep dignity and receive help if it's available.

Eye contact, honesty and simplicity helps.

let's not forget about debt for such a visit, and do not abuse doctor's good will, that's why one should be thankful.

(i choose latter option).

Purpose of Psychology.

To help people, at least i understand it that way.

That's why i learn it, to help.

Symbolic Thinking, Mind's Mirror, Emotions Prism and Psychotherapy.

I've such experiences:

Mind's Mirror : People, especially women, show you your face, who you are, your thoughts and emotions. They reflect in them and their behavior.

Emotions Prism : Prism splits light into coloured rays. What is Emotions Prism? Are emotions such a Prism? i think they can be compared to black glass that changes our perceptions.

Psychotherapy : Helpful and skillful people can help to remove such black glass and see the world differently.

Symbolic Thinking : Meaning of Symbols can be learned by asking questions. What i think about this color? What thoughts and feelings occur when i think, see, or experience this? Once learned, such a symbol can be used to recognize state of mind, or perhaps an emotion in context of another emotion, or hidden under it. Once recognized, veil of emotion can disappear and we can see 'light' more clearly.

What Buddhism teaches about Self.

i've found this (click) in the Internet:

i'll look at this and comment later.

Do mad people have right for Love?

Do mad people have right for Love?

If not, why they still live?

Is their life useful at all?

Perhaps it would be better if they all died.

Are they worse?

It's up to society to decide if people who were abused or worked so hard to point of insanity should continue living.

Overproductiveness.

i have that kind of experience.

when i do 'too much', i feel urge to eat too much.

even more if i earn money for it.

is it pointless to work then?

i think so.