Symptoms Still.

i feel very tired since a time, have many voices in head that attack and insult me.

these voices blackmail and manipulate, use insane words and arguments - for example: 'Buddha wishes you to cease cleaning teeth for now'.

these voices are intense, persisting, and appear often, for long times, in large amounts.

they wear me down with constant attacks, then use insidious & clever tricks that make me do things harmful to myself & others when i feel weak & tired.

have troubles controlling spendings, voices make me spend money carelessly & meaninglessly.

i eat too much, i have troubles with cleaning my apartment.

i have troubles with caring enough for personal hygiene as well.

computer games addiction is making symptoms worse, i stopped playing computer games at least ... hope it will stay that way.

with my current state i can't go to work for now, despite that i want.

please wish me recovery, friends.

Symptoms Return.

recently i feel attacked by symptoms, mostly voices that insult & manipulate, harming as well.

i feel forced to write bad words, to do things that harm.

i have troubles keeping myself & my apartment clean as well.

had insight that it's because of others disrespecting & wanting to be 'better than insane person' in the wrong way.

i think many 'so called friends' hinder my progress more than help - they are not friends anymore - it's a Buddhist Lesson that friends, Bodhisattvas help in development instead.

i'll go to psychiatric hospital soon, for 3 months probably, not for the full day-night cycles however, only for half a day during workdays at that.

i hope i'll be able to work professionally in an IT Company after that - that's one of my therapy goals.

i'll try to beneficial at hospital to others, both patients & staff - it's a part of my Karmic Way for Enlightenment anyway - it's a Bodhisattva's Way, anyway.

Returning nature of Mental Illness.

Nature of Shizophrenia (one of many mental illnesses) or Psychosis (lesser form of Shizophrenia more or less) is that it periodically returns.

There are times of Remission (when symptoms are contained, when patient has control, distance & criticism over/toward these), as well the times of illness' symptoms returning with great strength.

Before most miserable state reached, there is the 'warning symptoms' stage usually (not always, occasionally there's very fast progress of symptoms' increase), where therapists, family, friends or even patient himself or herself can see the danger incoming.

'warning stage' is the time to see psychologist, time for temporarily increasing or even changing medicines if organism adapted to these, perhaps as well the time for lesser therapy to avert the worse case of lockdown in full-time hospital for a period of few months.

During this 'warning period' symptoms may gradually or sharply increase, but if these are 'caught' by a keen eye early, there's chance for less of hindrance.

But when delusions combine with other symptoms, patient may grow angry, may reeject thoughts that he or she is too far in his or her insanity. it's when he or she should be forcibly taken to hospital.

'warning symptoms' wary from patient to patient, but can be noticed.

These may be certain behaviors, usual pre-hospital delusional thought-patterns & verbal expressions said ... or nuisances in living.

Patient might be very uninclined to leave bed or home due to weakness in body or mind, or fear.

Patient might have disturbed sleep patterns more than usual or problems with sleep,

Patient might have increase in amount and/or lack of criticism toward his or her 'voices' (verbal hallucinations) or visions (visual hallucinations) or other hallucinations (smell, other senses),

Patient might also have greater lacks in concentration or memory, perhaps more as well.

'Strange' beliefs, especially fascination with religions, occult or esoterics might be (especially if this is new all of sudden, or far more intensified than usual) or might not be a warning symptom. Lack of common sense, distance & critic toward these is the clue as well.

As result as well as cause of symptoms might be patient refusing to take medicines or neglect scheduled visits to psychologist or psychiatrist.

Stress, or too much of work, especially if prolonged, is often the cause of symptoms advancing & increasing.

These 'warning symptoms' might not say that worst stage is incoming for sure however, so psychologist should be consulted first (a visit with a patient).

Pills or Psychologist?

when someone is mentally ill it's often best to combine both.

pills alone won't do all of the work,

there's the need for human interaction & psychology as well.

i think that mind calming meditation can help as well.

a minimum of activity is also neccessary, it's not enough to just go 'sleep through crisis'.

that's main reason why i play slightly involving computer games in a creative way.

Burning Hunger, Cigarettes.

Recently been smoking cigarettes when feeling hungry for food.

Imagining that hunger is burnt that way, turned into smoke, gone as it disperses in air.

Seems to work, for now at least.

also used this trick.

Memory.

there are three memory types:

sensoric memory - what we perceive, see, arrives there,

short-term memory - lasts up to half of a minute or as long as attention is focused on that memory part,

long-term memory - when someone wishes to remember something, it's important to wish for that. then to repeat many times words to remember, etc ... that's how 'memory trace' is formed & put into long-term memory. it's important to make breaks between attempts at remembering something, forming a trace, a key to memory. giving material to remember a structure makes it easier to understand ... it's also about trying to understand & understanding.

(to be continued, perhaps).

Source: [6].

Light ... Oxygene ...

i do not like when people at hospital or elsewhere close windows in non-catholic parts of the place,
there's blue part & brown part,

...

i do not like when people experiment or play with a lightswitch in my presence.

...

annoyances as these cause insanity.
these are common at place called psychiatric hospital.