recently i feel attacked by symptoms, mostly voices that insult & manipulate, harming as well.
i feel forced to write bad words, to do things that harm.
i have troubles keeping myself & my apartment clean as well.
had insight that it's because of others disrespecting & wanting to be 'better than insane person' in the wrong way.
i think many 'so called friends' hinder my progress more than help - they are not friends anymore - it's a Buddhist Lesson that friends, Bodhisattvas help in development instead.
i'll go to psychiatric hospital soon, for 3 months probably, not for the full day-night cycles however, only for half a day during workdays at that.
i hope i'll be able to work professionally in an IT Company after that - that's one of my therapy goals.
i'll try to beneficial at hospital to others, both patients & staff - it's a part of my Karmic Way for Enlightenment anyway - it's a Bodhisattva's Way, anyway.
