Ego Complex Evolving.

i read that ego is 'i'.

i read that complex is structure in psyche.

i know that ego evolves, not always for better.

i think that beings, things & phenomena i perceive affect me and affect how ego changes.

for now, my 'i' seems to be more than one structure, thoughts seem to clash against other thoughts.

like waves in ocean crashing at each other, but not always as pretty looking or soothing.

i observed 'Mahakala', Protector of Enlightened Love & Enlightenment arising - important structure in psyche.

i do not know if Enlightenment needs external protectors at all.

i observed other 'waves' arising as well, often opposing that 'Mahakala' thoughts & structure.

archetypes & ideas seem like waves, arising in reaction to what happens around me.

sometimes it's quite unpleasant purifying experience (katharsis?), so i have to hide at home to not scare people with my epileptic body reactions & harmful speech articulation that i have little control over.

when archetypes & ideas arise, they affect how i think, talk, (re)act.

Development of Self.

From what i read:

1. Separation of ego from Self during childhood.

1.1. Primordial Self.

At first there's Self without ego, original Self.

1.2. Seeds of Ego.

Young children have ego & self, unconsciousness but no consciousness. All of them connected, ego being partly in Self, both ego & Self unconscious.


From what i read, experienced & can remember:

1.3. Separation & development.

Older children have unconsciousnes, consciousness, self & ego. Self is contained within unconsciousness. Ego is conscious part of kids psyche. They barely 'touch' each other.


2. Building ego-Self axis.

2.1. Domination of individual consciousness, unconsciousness of self.

At this point, i had unconsciousness, consciousness, self & ego. Self was buried deep within unconsciousness, nevertheless still affected behaviour.

Ego was independent but not free - affected by thoughts, feelings & impulses, conscious & dominant, unaware of Self's influence.

2.2. ego-Self axis.

At this point i am now.

Self is either unconscious or conscious, not sure to what degree where... probably partly in unconsciousness, partly in consciousness. Ego is still present.

Thoughts, feelings, 'inner voices', 'visual hallucinations of artistic or artful quality' surface from unconsciousness to consciousness via Self then affect ego, making ego change with time.


Source: [2], my Experiences.


See also: Self, Impersistent Ego, Unconscious, Conscious.