Schizophrenia is mental illness where brain works faster but less precisely.
Electrical Impulses in brain flow to neurons via synapses and there are other mechanisms that also facilitate electric signals flow in one's body.
Mentally Ill people's impulses in brain are a mess.
... not sure about signals in spine and in the rest of human's nervous systems.
Anyway, since few days i have understood a lot about computer sciences / had voices in my head /, but neglected quality of life.
... could not focus on work, neglected basic needs, etc.
... it signals incoming mental crisis.
Yes, faster mind and enhanced thinking are nice, but who wants to be smelly mad scientist?
... one should care for basic needs first, then think about science i think.
... i want to be Scientist with the Great Style.
As for things i understood deeper than before, these are:
- State of Conversation between two objects:
- Useful mostly in applications where application parts communicate via network such as the internet;
- Turing Machine theory:
- What is the Turing Machine, how it works ... and what it can do,
- / it's an important part of 'Languages & Automatons' University lecture /;
- Differencies and similarities between Stack Machines and Register Machines:
- Register Machines are similar and equivalent to the Turing Machines,
- Perhaps more, but i forgot for now.
Saturday 25 June 2022
Saturday 24 August 2019
Is working Therapeutic? How about medicals, genes, meeting people?
Work can be therapeutic.
While working is challenge for ill people, far more than sane society thinks ... unemployment & money problems are also causes of great stress.
Too big or too small stress affects mental health negatively - is one of main three causes of mental illness symptoms returning & intensifying.
Genes also matter, statistically - but not always insanity is inherited directly, not every generation as well.
Group and/or personal therapy, psychotropic medicines, psychologists/psychiatrists, etc ... also help to avoid intensifying of symptoms - both in short and in long run.
Meeting with friendly people also helps ... but not always those who pretend to be friends are truly friends. Verbal and other abuses harm, lead to insanity & symptoms.
... i think its worthwhile to work, or at least prepare for work, then get employed, then to continue fighting to keep work, perhaps also try to advance to better jobs.
One should also consider not too challenging jobs, but what is too challenging? This is something everyone - either sane or mentally ill - should answer for himself or herself.
There are job offers for ill people, at least in European Union ... for example: POWER / pl: 'Program Obywatelski Wiedza Edukacja Rozwój / - thanks to it i still have my current employment - as a physical security specialist. They helped me to find this job, and they support me still, making it easier for me to not lose this job so easily ... i am grateful for all that EU's POWER gave me.
While working is challenge for ill people, far more than sane society thinks ... unemployment & money problems are also causes of great stress.
Too big or too small stress affects mental health negatively - is one of main three causes of mental illness symptoms returning & intensifying.
Genes also matter, statistically - but not always insanity is inherited directly, not every generation as well.
Group and/or personal therapy, psychotropic medicines, psychologists/psychiatrists, etc ... also help to avoid intensifying of symptoms - both in short and in long run.
Meeting with friendly people also helps ... but not always those who pretend to be friends are truly friends. Verbal and other abuses harm, lead to insanity & symptoms.
... i think its worthwhile to work, or at least prepare for work, then get employed, then to continue fighting to keep work, perhaps also try to advance to better jobs.
One should also consider not too challenging jobs, but what is too challenging? This is something everyone - either sane or mentally ill - should answer for himself or herself.
There are job offers for ill people, at least in European Union ... for example: POWER / pl: 'Program Obywatelski Wiedza Edukacja Rozwój / - thanks to it i still have my current employment - as a physical security specialist. They helped me to find this job, and they support me still, making it easier for me to not lose this job so easily ... i am grateful for all that EU's POWER gave me.
Wednesday 21 August 2019
... insane thoughts, blogs deletion question/risk.
... have thoughts about deleting this blog as well, about wiping traces from the internet, about shutting my own mouth, disappearing from sight, getting closed in psychiatric/jail, about getting killed ... to cover/hide 'bad deeds', 'errors' of 'more important buddhists & others'.
> [ https://project-wraithstar.blogspot.com/2019/08/should-i-delete-this-blog.html ].
> [ https://project-wraithstar.blogspot.com/2019/08/should-i-delete-this-blog.html ].
Thursday 15 August 2019
'Selective Memory' - is it a sin?
... some time ago - i understood Predicate Logic Basics, then quickly forgot ... perhaps in future it will be better.
... my memory is 'selective', i only remember what's important at given moment.
... it's psychological weakness ... some think that i abuse this argument, but it's medical issue.
... i was accused of 'selective memory' at youth as well - i think it was unfair.
... in psychiatric hospital i heard that 'schizophrenia is memory-related illness', more or less.
... not sure if it was psychiatrist, psychologist or other medical personnel who told me that.
... my memory is 'selective', i only remember what's important at given moment.
... it's psychological weakness ... some think that i abuse this argument, but it's medical issue.
... i was accused of 'selective memory' at youth as well - i think it was unfair.
... in psychiatric hospital i heard that 'schizophrenia is memory-related illness', more or less.
... not sure if it was psychiatrist, psychologist or other medical personnel who told me that.
Tuesday 13 August 2019
... i feel raped by martial arts & others.
> EN:
... having insane mind states / i think mind states are: thoughts & feelings; i read that emotions are feelings with physiology - not only salivation, also nervomuscular reactions & behaviors, etc. /.
... i feel raped by martial arts & others - mostly because of 'Yoda', disgrace among buddhist martial arts teachers.
... then had some insane thoughts that some people want to 'fuck me out of benefits of blog's deletion'.
... not only 'Martial Arts, Tactics & Combat Psychology by neomahakala108' blog, also other blogs i think.
... i got beaten so strongly during one of 'lessons' - years ago, i feel effects on mind & body levels still ... feeling raped, does rape lead to suicide? ... is it a form of 'Dim Mak'? ... should 'Yoda' be put into jail?
... is 'Dim Mak' just a glorified name for murder & rape?
> PL:
... mam wariackie stany umysłu - myśli i uczucia / myślę że stany umysłu to: myśli i uczucia; przeczytałem że emocje to uczucia z fizjologią - nie tylko ślinienie się, ale też reakcje i zachowania nerwomięśniowe, etc. /.
... czuję się zgwałcony przez sztuki walki i innych(-e) - głownie z przyczyny 'Yody', zakały wśród buddyjskich nauczycieli sztuk walki.
... następnie miałem chore i zwariowane myśli że pewni ludzie chcą 'wydymać mnie z korzyści z usunięcia bloga'.
... nie tylko 'Martial Arts, Tactics & Combat Psychology by neomahakala108', także inne blogi.
... zostałem pobity tak mocno podczas jednej z 'lekcji' - lata temu, wciąż odczuwam skutki na poziomach umysłu i ciała ... czuję się zgwałcony, czy gwałt prowadzi do samobójstwa? ... czy to forma 'Dim Mak'? ... czy 'Yoda' powinien zostać wsadzony do więzienia?
... czy 'Dim Mak' to po prostu upiększona nazwa dla morderstwa i gwałtu?
--
... having insane mind states / i think mind states are: thoughts & feelings; i read that emotions are feelings with physiology - not only salivation, also nervomuscular reactions & behaviors, etc. /.
... i feel raped by martial arts & others - mostly because of 'Yoda', disgrace among buddhist martial arts teachers.
... then had some insane thoughts that some people want to 'fuck me out of benefits of blog's deletion'.
... not only 'Martial Arts, Tactics & Combat Psychology by neomahakala108' blog, also other blogs i think.
... i got beaten so strongly during one of 'lessons' - years ago, i feel effects on mind & body levels still ... feeling raped, does rape lead to suicide? ... is it a form of 'Dim Mak'? ... should 'Yoda' be put into jail?
... is 'Dim Mak' just a glorified name for murder & rape?
> PL:
... mam wariackie stany umysłu - myśli i uczucia / myślę że stany umysłu to: myśli i uczucia; przeczytałem że emocje to uczucia z fizjologią - nie tylko ślinienie się, ale też reakcje i zachowania nerwomięśniowe, etc. /.
... czuję się zgwałcony przez sztuki walki i innych(-e) - głownie z przyczyny 'Yody', zakały wśród buddyjskich nauczycieli sztuk walki.
... następnie miałem chore i zwariowane myśli że pewni ludzie chcą 'wydymać mnie z korzyści z usunięcia bloga'.
... nie tylko 'Martial Arts, Tactics & Combat Psychology by neomahakala108', także inne blogi.
... zostałem pobity tak mocno podczas jednej z 'lekcji' - lata temu, wciąż odczuwam skutki na poziomach umysłu i ciała ... czuję się zgwałcony, czy gwałt prowadzi do samobójstwa? ... czy to forma 'Dim Mak'? ... czy 'Yoda' powinien zostać wsadzony do więzienia?
... czy 'Dim Mak' to po prostu upiększona nazwa dla morderstwa i gwałtu?
--
Wednesday 24 July 2019
Freedom, Inequality-Equality & One's Worth.
... i have heard from one of my psychologists a phrase, more or less exactly:
> en: 'every human is equally worthy, no matter healthy or ill'.
> pl: 'każdy człowiek jest równie wartościowy, nie ważne czy chory, czy zdrowy'.
... is it true?
... i think all human beings have full rights - we have only what we fight for, we have only what we win.
... no need to fight alone, i think still, as well.
... we have human rights, democracies, ..., freedom of speech - but so what?
... i think communism is too much of equality - everyone has money - but no one works - scarce products on shelves, product reglamentation,
... i think capitalism is too much of unequality, not only money-wise.
... what's beyond capitalism? ... there's book called 'netocracy'.
...
... there are those who fight for tibet's freedom ... but well - what is tibet's freedom?
... is it right of tibetan people to have love, kids, fair living, respect, ... ?
... i think one can have freedom even under occupation.
... i think it's still wise to fight for language, for manners, for culture, for art, for education, for ideas, for spirituality - how important are tibetan prayer flags, vajra symbols, mantra wheels - in tibetan buddhist temples? why chinese rulers try to 'reduce' temples in tibet? are tibetans 'second class citizens' in tibet after china's invasion?
... i've offered publicly in the internet to serve china against terrorism - i do not want money for that, price is tibet's freedom.
... but i also fight for tibet's freedom other ways - including criticizing 'spirituality reduction' and providing other arguments to those who fight for tibet more seriously, who are more involved.
... i admire 'chinese manners', i read that china is the most overpopulated nation in the world, but territory is so smaller than U.S. and Russia. How easy is to earn 'permission to have kids'? is it true meaning of 'difficult childhood' in china?
... i think china controls anger well, so it's easy to talk and let chinese migrate to other parts of the world ... instead of starting wars.
... is overpopulation considered only in china's territory?
... even if not, or even if yes - what follows, where this leads?
Sen Zu - 'What we have'.
... what ideas we have 'only' in Mind, what we have in physical reality?
What is meaning of the buddhist lesson/experience - not only on theory level:
'We are Mind(-s), we have body(-ies)'
'Illusory nature of Reality' is something related, but not so similar still,
... i feel,
... i think,
... i remember.
> en: 'every human is equally worthy, no matter healthy or ill'.
> pl: 'każdy człowiek jest równie wartościowy, nie ważne czy chory, czy zdrowy'.
... is it true?
... i think all human beings have full rights - we have only what we fight for, we have only what we win.
... no need to fight alone, i think still, as well.
... we have human rights, democracies, ..., freedom of speech - but so what?
... i think communism is too much of equality - everyone has money - but no one works - scarce products on shelves, product reglamentation,
... i think capitalism is too much of unequality, not only money-wise.
... what's beyond capitalism? ... there's book called 'netocracy'.
...
... there are those who fight for tibet's freedom ... but well - what is tibet's freedom?
... is it right of tibetan people to have love, kids, fair living, respect, ... ?
... i think one can have freedom even under occupation.
... i think it's still wise to fight for language, for manners, for culture, for art, for education, for ideas, for spirituality - how important are tibetan prayer flags, vajra symbols, mantra wheels - in tibetan buddhist temples? why chinese rulers try to 'reduce' temples in tibet? are tibetans 'second class citizens' in tibet after china's invasion?
... i've offered publicly in the internet to serve china against terrorism - i do not want money for that, price is tibet's freedom.
... but i also fight for tibet's freedom other ways - including criticizing 'spirituality reduction' and providing other arguments to those who fight for tibet more seriously, who are more involved.
... i admire 'chinese manners', i read that china is the most overpopulated nation in the world, but territory is so smaller than U.S. and Russia. How easy is to earn 'permission to have kids'? is it true meaning of 'difficult childhood' in china?
... i think china controls anger well, so it's easy to talk and let chinese migrate to other parts of the world ... instead of starting wars.
... is overpopulation considered only in china's territory?
... even if not, or even if yes - what follows, where this leads?
Sen Zu - 'What we have'.
... what ideas we have 'only' in Mind, what we have in physical reality?
What is meaning of the buddhist lesson/experience - not only on theory level:
'We are Mind(-s), we have body(-ies)'
'Illusory nature of Reality' is something related, but not so similar still,
... i feel,
... i think,
... i remember.
Thursday 18 July 2019
Without insanity World would be Better, What it means?
... is it wise and compassionate to shoot ill, crippled, disabled people ?
... is 'bad karma' excuse to hate, to 'rape' people ?
... is psychiatric hospital a punishment for being 'raped by society' ?
... is it therapeutic to turn psychotherapy into jail ?
Psychologists i've met are different than most of ignorant jerks.
... i need to visit psychologists & other medical/support personnel still - neglecting therapy & medicines too much leads to more serious symptoms later and many months in psychiatric hospital, probably lost job, and other threats.
... is 'bad karma' excuse to hate, to 'rape' people ?
... is psychiatric hospital a punishment for being 'raped by society' ?
... is it therapeutic to turn psychotherapy into jail ?
Psychologists i've met are different than most of ignorant jerks.
... i need to visit psychologists & other medical/support personnel still - neglecting therapy & medicines too much leads to more serious symptoms later and many months in psychiatric hospital, probably lost job, and other threats.
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