i am unable to sleep again.
i think it's result of improper meditation, of our fellow buddhist 'friends'.
had insight that they wished to sleep earlier, and to have someone finish their chores during nights.
during night, i do not want to wake up a buddhist woman i love, even in mind.
i have almost no support during nights, i am weaker, hence it's time when i am vulnerable to be attacked, to be woken up and forced to work.
i think certain jerks take advantage of that.
i am unemployed, but this is not excuse for having to sleep irregularly - it destroys my sleep health habits, it makes me unable to function during days.
when i sleep irregularly i am unable to find and keep my work, it's feels as endless cycle of being unable to work, because i do not work already.
it's not fair to not let others sleep, prepare, find and keep paid work.
... dear fellow buddhist friends, please meditate better, and do your own chores by yourself.
if i keep waking up, i'll hate parts of my mind as well, and eventually people associated with these parts.
what occurs on mind level, awakens in speech and body later, afterall.
